No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
