oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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