I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it's great music for shaving your balls
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
