On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
