when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
