I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
