you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Farmville is her only friend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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