Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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