So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
