we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize