First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I will pee on everything he values.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
