I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
