good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize