i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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