i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
