Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wear drunk well.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
