I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize