I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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