I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
