you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize