on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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