ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
