somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
