I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
