Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize