he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
