2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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