My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
