I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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