I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize