The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
