im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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