Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Houston, we have a squirter
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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