found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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