singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
