so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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