margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
