Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
