So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
