My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
