with your own penis?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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