we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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