I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
