i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
