I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize