Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
