i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
