he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
tell me about the eggs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
