He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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