I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
