mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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