i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
