Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
