Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
