You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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