when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I want a musical about memes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
