If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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