I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
