At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
