This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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