I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
