Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
