Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
