Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize