Michael Bay diarrhea
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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