its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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