And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
