dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
