Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
