youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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