Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
