I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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