Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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