Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
