Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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