Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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