He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
