You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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