I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
