i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
