remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
