Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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