Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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