All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
