I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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