Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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